everybody cut loose!
*...waits at the window, wearing a face that she keeps in a jar by the door...who is it for? all the lonely people. where do they all come from? all the lonely people. where do they all belong?* -the beatles
i guess i don't know where i'm even going with this. i don't know what i want to cover, i don't know why i don't just say this. i don't know why i don't write a letter, i don't know why i don't just write an email. i don't know.
ok. here goes.
dear sara,
i don't know why i still feel such a distance between you and i. it's there. you feel it, too. yet neither of us have done anything to repair it. i want to stay your friend, you want to stay mine, but right now, we're hardly friends. and that's sad to me. from this distance with you i've found a closeness to val. and i'm grateful for that, but it sucks that it has come from you and i not spending time together. i understand that you and bj are you and bj. i can't compete with that, i wouldn't want to, you wouldn't ever ask/expect me to. and i know that the plan is for you two to break up in just a few weeks, and then you and i will be able to spend time together this summer, but at this point, i don't even want to spend time with you, to tell you the truth. when the three of us spend time together, we usually end up fighting or bitching. and it seems to me like a lot of the time it's you getting pissed off at me or val or both of us, or just being pissed about something else and taking it out on one of us. and it also seems like lately when you're annoyed with me for whatever, you don't tell me. i hear it from someone else. it seems like anymore the only thing that makes you happy is bj. and i don't understand that. i mean, before him, if you were having a bad day or were frustrated, you and i would hang out and i could try to cheer you up.i don't like seeing you upset.
now, i feel like i have to walk on eggshells. i figure the best thing to do if i see you upset is to go get bj. maybe it's 'cause he's such a simple character and doesn't want to be able to or even try to solve your problems, but i don't seem to be able to make you even forget about your troubles anymore. i don't know where i stand in your life anymore. not that i ever had a set position or anything, but i just don't even know where you and i *together* stand.
i guess the bottom line is that i miss you. i miss all the fun we used to have, the simplicity, the closeness and inseperability that used to be there. i don't know what to do to repair that, and i don't feel like you're trying to help me out with this. maybe it's 'cause you have bj and you're really trying to focus on that right now, but truth be told, i *do* need some of your attention to let me know that you think about me and that you also miss the time we used to spend together.
i guess we both just need to work our shit out.
Posted by: the fat one
on 10 april at 2346 hrs